Day 365 +

Well I am going to try and blog what I am doing, feeling, accomplishing and failing during the next year of Bill's deployment to Afghanistan. He is with RCT 8 and if you ask where in Afghanistan, well to be honest, I just recently figured out where Afghanistan is, so that information will have to come from him. You all will need to bear with me as I learn how to Blog and also on my inability to be non circular with my thoughts. Yes, I like to ramble and  I type exactly how I talk, bad grammar and all.

Bill just left today about an hour ago and we did real good. We held strong, no tears were shed and a see you later was said. The kids were amazing and after standing in the freezing cold temps they were just ready to leave and warm up. Sam actually asked " Why can't we just go get in the van and say bye now , mom. Does dad really need us here?" He is going to be my rock during this I know it. He has a knack of saying it like it is with no emotional baggage. Cami said she would miss Daddy and that she would see him on Skype... thank god for technology! Sal looked around us and noticed a lot of other families and such with tear filled eyes crying openly. He says " Can you tell who all the new people are that haven't been through this?"  Smart Ass!
Tony was a kid just wanting to make snowballs and have fun. They all hugged their dad goodbye, gave kisses and waved as he rode off in the bus. My kids are troopers!

Now on to the person inside me... she was bawling like a baby.  I,  however, will not let this person out. I am afraid that if I do, I  may just lose myself to the sadness of it all. I am afraid if I start to cry, that I will not stop. So, I choose to hold my head high and ignore that crazy lady in my head. Keep in mind she may show up when I type.
You will hear me comment a lot about my bubble. It is a bubble of protection from everything and anyone that wants to do me harm., physical or emotional.  It is my bubble and I prefer it not to be popped. Yes, it is a bubble of denial at times, but it works for me. Healthy or not, it works so I ask you all..DO NOT POP MY BUBBLE! If you hear me say "in my bubble" this means.. back off.. you have hit a nerve of some sort and I really do not need to hear anymore of what you are saying. Basically, it is me saying shut the hell up! Now that you have been told of this... I will not need to explain my bubble with every post.
 Facebook has been trying real hard to pop my bubble. While I appreciate the words of support, many of them come across as if Bill is gone...as in gone gone.... this wears on my bubble.  The late night phone calls last evening from friends wishing Bill farewell.. they too began to wear on my bubble. I know you all meant well.. but if you did not call Bill while not deploy-able.. don't call now just so you can feel better about yourself.  This is just an FYI so you do not do it to another person. Let them have their last evening with family without disruption. Their family needs them and you intrude on their time. FYI.... this pertains only to a few not to all!


I will say this. I am very proud of my husband. He has been a tried and true Marine and over the last couple years, he has been tried.... yet he remains loyal to the Corps and to the fight ahead. I asked him last night for one promise,  knowing that truly it is not his to make, but I needed to hear. I asked him to promise me that he would return to us safe and in one piece, the same man we say goodbye to.  He promised and as of yet, he has never broken a promise to me. Honey... you do get that I mean to hold you to this one!

Praying for Bills safe return and for the love and support of family and friends.