With each of my blogs, I have been counting down to when Bill will be home. If you have not noticed yet... there is a plus sign after the number. Here is the reason, I was told in the predeployment brief that he would be gone roughly 12-14 months. How does one count that down??? With a plus sign, it is such a small nonthreatening sign, it keeps my bubble intact. I surely would not want to still be looking at a number greater than a year...UGH...that would not be a countdown especially in the beginning. I also keep thinking that as the number dwindles... I can start counting up but hopefully by then I will have made it to the phase of "what is one more day ..who cares!" I am not there.. I am staring at 346+ and that number is HUGE!!! I truly hate posting the number, it reminds me. It wears on my bubble.
There are all these amazing spouses that do cute countdowns for themselves and for their kids. Some spouses make a giant paper chain and their kids remove one a day until dad is home, one has a jar filled with Hershey kisses and they remove one a day, one has a calendar with cute stickers for each month mark so when they get there, they celebrate because they are that much closer. As for me, this is the first countdown I have ever done...I do not like it!!! I will admit...that I am only counting on this blog, I have to view my previous posts and count down from it..I can not recall the number from the day before. I am not going to say that this is a memory issue...no jokes about me getting old! I tend to be happier when the days remaining are not looming ahead of me. I also do not have any type of countdown for my kids. I do not want a visual of how grand the separation is. My kids are not missing out because I have never done a cute countdown and therefore do not know what they are missing. Not to mention...the jar of Hershey kisses would not last 346 days...maybe one week if I was lucky. This lack of creativity on my part thus far has been sufficient for my kids and I see no need to set new standards that are much higher than my own. I have parented well... I have taught my kids how to live in my bubble!!!!
Bill-
We loved skyping with you today, we are disappointed in the fact that once again you were not wearing your helmet or flak... here soon your family may think you are on a vacation to some remote island. Remember, my geography skills still have you located somewhere like RI.
Bill, my absolutely amazing and handsome husband has left for a one year plus tour to Afghanistan with RCT8. He is a Marine, a dad and a husband. This blog is for me, his wife to share the trials of being a military spouse.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Phase one ..... scare tactics and opsec ....Day 349+
Ok, so all of you military spouses know this....predeployment brief....aka scare tactics. To my civilian friends, I will preface this with an explanation. Before our spouses deply we are asked to attend what is called a predeployemnt brief. This is where they go over basic information on how long the deployment should be, where the unit is going, the mailing address is given out, communication information is given, and you meet the CO (commanding officer) and your FRO (family readiness officer). The FRO is a paid position and is a person who is stateside and located in the unit offices that deals with the families while the spouse is gone, aka babysitter. Apparently even the military is scared of us spouses when left to our own devices!! LOL
So here is a rundown of what I hear during a brief..keep in mind I am no newbie here. This is what I am told before he leaves... this is why I bring a big bubble to a brief and this is also part of the reason that during phase one of a deployment... that we do not sleep!!!
One of the first things we get told is.....OpSec rules apply. The pre deployment briefing that we get to make sure we give away no secrets. Hello, I am not sure about you, but I have never had secret information nor has my husband shared that much with me. I know they mean non secret information such as troop movement and numbers etc.... but to be honest, do they really think I listen to my husband that well. He starts in with military speak and I tune him out. I believe I already mentioned my geography skills, I think RI might want to step up their security. I am told very bad people are lurking and stalking my every post, my every word. If, a truly bad person is that desperate that they need to stalk me, lowly me, I seriously doubt they are going to be able to pull off any major event. Good luck with my lack of intelligence terrorist!!!! You might want to grab a map because this girl had no clue where Afghanistan was until I googled it.
That being said, I know what opsec means and as a spouse I am not going to divulge information that may harm my husband, so can you (the military) can just back off. I get it and I think you have bigger fish to worry about and not us spouses and girlfriends. Give us some credit will ya!!!
The next is the scare tactic they provide us in regards to our safety. Safety after our spouse is gone. They provide us with horrific stories that are meant to make us more diligent. They tell us about the boogeyman!! Yep that's right, I have the military to thank for my lack of sleep due to the visuals they provided. You see, we get told not to put a sticker of our husbands unit on our car, bad guys know what units are gone, therefore they will target you. They tell us about home invasions on those whom fly the blue star flag. They scare the crap out of you. This is why my bubble gets inflated BIG before a brief. I already received that speech from my parents when I left home about the bad guys of the world. I was taught how to watch my back when leaving a store, how to keep my personal belongings close, how to lock my door and many other tips. Lets be honest, I am not naive enough to think bad people are not out there. I am also not ignorant enough to think that prepared or not, sometimes...bad just happens. I guess I should thank the military for this brief... but at some point I just want to say.... we are adults and maybe some would fair better if you treated them as such. It is time to grow up and not coddle us. I think we can handle it....I sure hope we can.
This is where the importance of the FRO comes in.... now he will be inundated with all the calls from women that are seriously freaked..... well... what did you think would happen after giving us a great pep talk on how unsafe we are!!!
Bill--- I am safe... the boogeyman has left me alone thus far, he has only messed with the frig and the dishwasher. I am hoping that he brings his friend the Easter Bunnny when he comes next.. you know how I can deal with anything as long as there is chocolate!!!
Stay safe--- awaitng confirmation of you wearing all personal protective gear... I am thinking a campaign will be started to send you athletic cups in pkgs so as to truly embarrass you and point out your lack of proper use of your military issued gear!
So here is a rundown of what I hear during a brief..keep in mind I am no newbie here. This is what I am told before he leaves... this is why I bring a big bubble to a brief and this is also part of the reason that during phase one of a deployment... that we do not sleep!!!
One of the first things we get told is.....OpSec rules apply. The pre deployment briefing that we get to make sure we give away no secrets. Hello, I am not sure about you, but I have never had secret information nor has my husband shared that much with me. I know they mean non secret information such as troop movement and numbers etc.... but to be honest, do they really think I listen to my husband that well. He starts in with military speak and I tune him out. I believe I already mentioned my geography skills, I think RI might want to step up their security. I am told very bad people are lurking and stalking my every post, my every word. If, a truly bad person is that desperate that they need to stalk me, lowly me, I seriously doubt they are going to be able to pull off any major event. Good luck with my lack of intelligence terrorist!!!! You might want to grab a map because this girl had no clue where Afghanistan was until I googled it.
That being said, I know what opsec means and as a spouse I am not going to divulge information that may harm my husband, so can you (the military) can just back off. I get it and I think you have bigger fish to worry about and not us spouses and girlfriends. Give us some credit will ya!!!
The next is the scare tactic they provide us in regards to our safety. Safety after our spouse is gone. They provide us with horrific stories that are meant to make us more diligent. They tell us about the boogeyman!! Yep that's right, I have the military to thank for my lack of sleep due to the visuals they provided. You see, we get told not to put a sticker of our husbands unit on our car, bad guys know what units are gone, therefore they will target you. They tell us about home invasions on those whom fly the blue star flag. They scare the crap out of you. This is why my bubble gets inflated BIG before a brief. I already received that speech from my parents when I left home about the bad guys of the world. I was taught how to watch my back when leaving a store, how to keep my personal belongings close, how to lock my door and many other tips. Lets be honest, I am not naive enough to think bad people are not out there. I am also not ignorant enough to think that prepared or not, sometimes...bad just happens. I guess I should thank the military for this brief... but at some point I just want to say.... we are adults and maybe some would fair better if you treated them as such. It is time to grow up and not coddle us. I think we can handle it....I sure hope we can.
This is where the importance of the FRO comes in.... now he will be inundated with all the calls from women that are seriously freaked..... well... what did you think would happen after giving us a great pep talk on how unsafe we are!!!
Bill--- I am safe... the boogeyman has left me alone thus far, he has only messed with the frig and the dishwasher. I am hoping that he brings his friend the Easter Bunnny when he comes next.. you know how I can deal with anything as long as there is chocolate!!!
Stay safe--- awaitng confirmation of you wearing all personal protective gear... I am thinking a campaign will be started to send you athletic cups in pkgs so as to truly embarrass you and point out your lack of proper use of your military issued gear!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Facebook Fiasco.... statements against core beliefs ... Day 350+
This morning started out like every other morning. Wake up kids, make lunches, have coffee, send kids to school on bus. Kids were gone and now I had time to drink my coffee and check out my emails and face book. I tend to linger online in the mornings longer than usual since I missed Bills' FB post last week. Yes, I know this is a huge time waster, but hey I am in phase one of the deployment. I hate missing a call.. remember.. it sucks!!
Today started out normal and then a post struck a cord.... a cord that I must share. I will tell you this, I am not overly political in nature. I have some beliefs and whether they are democratic or republican in nature, I do not know. They are just my beliefs. I tend to stay quiet when others discuss politics, one because I truly am behind the learning curve and two because I usually have the opposing viewpoint and it will not end well.
I am going to copy and paste this post and my responses....
Let me say this..... if you make a statement regarding the War that is less than favorable to a spouse of a service member, BEWARE!!! We will fight for what our husbands do, we will fight for the beliefs of the military.... we do this because the alternative of not believing in our husbands and their "jobs" would rock our very foundation. Like I said before, I move every couple of years, I endure leaving a job, leaving friends... for what... for the love of my husband and for a calling greater than ourselves.
Here goes: I will list the face book poster as DA...(dumbass) and of course me as ME
Bill---- should you read this... no worries here I am holding the fort down and kicking some arse...... I got your back....now make sure you have mine and wear your helmet and flak!!!!
Stay safe....I need no hunters protecting me.... that thought scares the crap out of me :)
Today started out normal and then a post struck a cord.... a cord that I must share. I will tell you this, I am not overly political in nature. I have some beliefs and whether they are democratic or republican in nature, I do not know. They are just my beliefs. I tend to stay quiet when others discuss politics, one because I truly am behind the learning curve and two because I usually have the opposing viewpoint and it will not end well.
I am going to copy and paste this post and my responses....
Let me say this..... if you make a statement regarding the War that is less than favorable to a spouse of a service member, BEWARE!!! We will fight for what our husbands do, we will fight for the beliefs of the military.... we do this because the alternative of not believing in our husbands and their "jobs" would rock our very foundation. Like I said before, I move every couple of years, I endure leaving a job, leaving friends... for what... for the love of my husband and for a calling greater than ourselves.
Here goes: I will list the face book poster as DA...(dumbass) and of course me as ME
DA:
Well one thing's for sure after last nights "State Of The Union", The Republican Party doesnt give a shit about people with pre-existing conditions concerning health care. Their Health Care Package is Golden, they get the best care regardless of a pre-existing condition. People like me who have had cancer, get shit on by the Health Care Industry. Greedy Basturds!
DA:
Im saying the Republican Party would rather fight legislation that made pre-existing condition exclusions and retroactive policy cancellations illegal, rather than make affordable health insurance available to another 32 million Americans. And who really needs to be held accountable is Wall Street. But the Republican Party will always give them a pass rather than punish them for their dirty deeds.
DA:
I made a mistake up there in my last blog. Instead of making Health Insurance available to 32 million Americans, we should hold Wall Street Acountable. My bad.
DA:
I own a small business (name blocked for privacy), its just my father and me. Sure large corporations allow employees with no exclusions, but if you own your own small business, your premiums are OUTRAGIOUS. Blue Cross Blue Shield promised me after 5 years had passed and i had no problems, my premiums would go down to a normal price....THEY FLAT OUT LIED! My premiums went UP in price, and i had to drop them, which is what they wanted.
2003 is when i was diagnosed with cancer. Since 2008 I've tried 5 times to get on with Blue Cross, and each time they have denied me. One time they denied me because of a 2002 deviated septum surgery, and i told them that was way over 6 years ago? They are full of shit also!
DA:
Republicans are trying to make it impossible for small business people to survive, especially in this economy we are in. They simply don't like small businesses, because they don't have their greedy little hands in every move we make~they make no money off of our sector.
Unknown DA response:
They really stick it to the small business man. My dad was the hardest working (& playing) man Ive ever known. He owned his construction company. With all the other taxes & costs he couldnt afford insurance for thr family. When he had his stroke he was Screwed. And the IRS took no time coming in & taking what they could.
DA:
Exactly (name blocked for privacy), and people wonder why i don't vote Republican?
ME:
... sorry but I think the blame needs to be on all Americans here...party affiliation aside. As a whole we have become so PC and concerned on whose feet we may step on that we have given into all of the hands that are out.. We have forgotten that America was built on the backs of those that worked hard...worked hard for the money they made and expected everyone to do the same. If you could not pay a bill... sux to be you... you had to deal and no one helped you out. I am sorry the US is in a crisis, but maybe if Americans would get off their arses and work...hell barter if you can.... but pay your own GOD DAMN WAY... than we would not be even contemplating whose fault any of this is... IT IS OUR FAULT... we as Americans have allowed ourselves to become...pansies!!! We are so concerned about everyone that we failed everyone.... healthcare sux, financials sux....
Time for hard ball and for Americans to stop coddling..... I am sorry your healthcare is so high.... currently you have the choice to opt out... in a couple years you do not.. maybe you ought to save your money and go to Vegas.. you might make enough to just not care!!!!
Time for hard ball and for Americans to stop coddling..... I am sorry your healthcare is so high.... currently you have the choice to opt out... in a couple years you do not.. maybe you ought to save your money and go to Vegas.. you might make enough to just not care!!!!
Friend post:
Teresa Well fuckin said........ Tired of the PC crap.. Can say shootout out anymore for basketball because it might make someone sad, cant use red check marks on kids school work, might make them sad... So they use green now.. wtf is the... diff, its still a mark? and we teach our kids that life is fair,when we all know its not!!! everyone get trophys just for signing up for sports, we have taken the competitiveness out of our kids.... I always tell my kids lifes not fair! If it were we would all get payed the same.. The whole country are a bunch of wusses.
DA:
Teresa you are wrong, why would I opt out of health care and have none? That is stupid? If i opted out right now no one would cover me!Secondly its not Americans fault we are in the mess we are in its the Governments fault? Do you really th...ink "We The People" Make any difference in this country anymore? Is it our fault that the Republican Party gave a slap on the wrist to Wall Street when they bailed out AIG and many other companies that Republicans have stockholder shares in? Its the way of Washington Politics, and whether you want to believe it or not, we are very close to becoming a nation that is not a free nation anymore. The government regulates everything Teresa. Even right now as we our on our computers, someone in a government affiliated office is reading this and other comments as we speak. Its not Americans that have allowed this country to become pansies, its Washington and its constituents. Hell our votes don't even really matter anymore, have you heard of the electoral vote ?
DA:
And (name of friend), i would rather not be able to say "shootout" or not use red marks. Actually red marks hurt. I got them when i was in school and im still scarred for life:) Anyways, i would rather have that crap, than being broke by our government! Government doesn't know how to run a small business, let alone Washington...Your Republican party has proved that with George Bush Junior. Hey...lets go to war on an unjustly charge! Yea...then watch terrorism flourish throughout the land. Good idea George!
ME:
LOL ... what I am saying is that you have the right today to not buy insurance...soon that will not be an option... so yes.. I am saying maybe you should opt out and invest wisely/play craps who cares... but at least you have the right to choose. Yes choosing no insurance means you would have to pay for all your medical out of pocket..woah...that could be a lot. According to the new legislation... you would be granted health care because everyone is entitled. Once again...why??? No, I am not saying affordable insurance..I am saying you will get it. Why is everyone entitled??? Why should we think we are entitled. As for fault of this country ...sorry but one party is not the sole barer of this. But I am smart enough to recognize that all political parties are guilty... guilty of misleading us, the people of the government. They mis lead for their own monetary gains... for their egos.. hell I really don't care what their personal agenda was..but it surely was not an agenda for we the people. If is was... this would not be a conversation we would be having. That said.. sorry Jaime..I do not agree with you nor will I...
This is not a blame game... if you want it to change... do something and quit blaming others. My mom was a small business owner like you and you know what I remember her doing.. yep ... she would spend her own dime and march on Washington to reform laws that hurt her. She joined small business groups that were willing to make a stand.. sometimes it worked but at least she tried to do something... what are you going to do??? Complain on FB or react.... I know you as a fighter and I would love to see you fight!!!!!
This is not a blame game... if you want it to change... do something and quit blaming others. My mom was a small business owner like you and you know what I remember her doing.. yep ... she would spend her own dime and march on Washington to reform laws that hurt her. She joined small business groups that were willing to make a stand.. sometimes it worked but at least she tried to do something... what are you going to do??? Complain on FB or react.... I know you as a fighter and I would love to see you fight!!!!!
WAIT FOR IT.........WAIT FOR IT.........HERE IT COMES!!!!!!!
ME:
Oh in regards to the war... I would like to say F you on that one... we are a safer nation because of the war.. countless men and women laid down their lives so you could make such an ass of a statement... Our military is fight...ing terrorist organizations that wish death on all of us Americans.. the infidels.. the sinners.... and seeing as how they are too busy fighting our military we have been spared an attack stateside. If we were not fighting do you not think it would give terrorist factions time to think and plan out another attack.
As for an unjust charge for war... who cares if it was unjust..it was necessary. Of course our PC ppl of the world needed something more than a necessity of safety and growing intelligence that we were becoming a huge target. Wait..maybe more ppl needed to die on Sep 11..maybe we needed more attacks... is that what you mean??? So , yes ..a reason was born and we went to war... we had backing by our partner nations so we did not start WWIII... On this.. our government was smart.. . Iraq is a better place and one that is not funneling terrorist factions as they were... keep your head in the sand.... it might keep you safe!! I know I will stand beside my military and believe in what they are doing and I praise them for their effort.
Don't come back with a statement of support for them either..... that just makes you a hypocrite... you can not support one without supporting the other.
As for an unjust charge for war... who cares if it was unjust..it was necessary. Of course our PC ppl of the world needed something more than a necessity of safety and growing intelligence that we were becoming a huge target. Wait..maybe more ppl needed to die on Sep 11..maybe we needed more attacks... is that what you mean??? So , yes ..a reason was born and we went to war... we had backing by our partner nations so we did not start WWIII... On this.. our government was smart.. . Iraq is a better place and one that is not funneling terrorist factions as they were... keep your head in the sand.... it might keep you safe!! I know I will stand beside my military and believe in what they are doing and I praise them for their effort.
Don't come back with a statement of support for them either..... that just makes you a hypocrite... you can not support one without supporting the other.
DA :
Who cares if it was unjust? You gotta be kidding! We need to fix America's problems first, then go out and police the world! No need to be pissy Teresa, but who cares if it was unjust? That is asinine.
ME:
Unjust.... that was my take on how you felt we went to war.. on an unjustly charge..(you statement not mine). Sorry but I never got the intel on what that was... I am assuming (which could be bad here) that you are a believer in the conspiracy theories. Fine.. believe what you will. I believe in what I am told by members of the military that do have intel. No, they do not divulge secrets.. but they do believe in this fight. Why wouldn't they... they signed up for it.. no draft was instituted....they volunteered.
As for us policing the world.. I agree... we should worry about ourselves more and less about countries that need to fix themselves.. However, when a country becomes a safe haven , a training ground, a money maker for any organization or group that threatens my country.... yep.. it is time to step up and kick ass... that is not policing anyone.. that is called protecting.. protecting ones own.
As for me being pissy.... yep you hit a nerve here.. I would say I am fired up.. not pissy. That in this day and age.. we still have men without balls..... men not willing to stand up and fight for others.. men not selfish and concerned only when it affects them.
Go have a drink, use your freedom of speech and when you are done... be sure to pour a beer on the bar for those that did have the balls to fight for you.. toast them.. they died for you to be so ignorant!!!
As for us policing the world.. I agree... we should worry about ourselves more and less about countries that need to fix themselves.. However, when a country becomes a safe haven , a training ground, a money maker for any organization or group that threatens my country.... yep.. it is time to step up and kick ass... that is not policing anyone.. that is called protecting.. protecting ones own.
As for me being pissy.... yep you hit a nerve here.. I would say I am fired up.. not pissy. That in this day and age.. we still have men without balls..... men not willing to stand up and fight for others.. men not selfish and concerned only when it affects them.
Go have a drink, use your freedom of speech and when you are done... be sure to pour a beer on the bar for those that did have the balls to fight for you.. toast them.. they died for you to be so ignorant!!!
ME:
I am done ... here is where I draw the line .. remember above I said do something to make the changes... I am reacting.... I am no longer going to respond to your remarks in regards to this. I hope you sleep well tonight.... I think according to you since the government reads these posts.. just maybe they will react while you sleep. See.. how stupid does that sound!!!
DA:
The state of Wisconsin has gone an entire deer season without someone getting killed. That's great, considering there were over 600,000 hunters that got permits this year. Allow me to restate that number, 600,000. Over the last two months t...he eighth largest Army in the world- more men under arms than Iran; more than France and Germany combined~ deployed to the woods of a single American state to keep deer population under control. But that pales in comparison to the 750,000 who were in the woods of Pennsylvania. Michigan's 700,000 hunters have now returned home. Toss in a quarter million hunters in West Virginia, and its literally the case that the hunters of those 4 states alone would comprise the Largest Army In The World. And that is just 4 states! The total population of registered hunters in America today ranges from 23 million to 43.7 million individuals. (Based on the annual data provided by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service) As long as the American Hunter retains his right to Bear Arms, America Will Be Forever Safe From Foreign Invasions Of Troops Teresa.
ME:
There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.” -Ernest Hemingway...
Easy to shoot a deer... now how hard is it to kill a human... doubt I ...feel safe knowing those statistics. I feel safe living surrounded by men who have killed.... who have hunted man.. hunted something that will hunt back!
BTW.. damn you.. like a bad train wreck and I swore I would not repost...LOL
Easy to shoot a deer... now how hard is it to kill a human... doubt I ...feel safe knowing those statistics. I feel safe living surrounded by men who have killed.... who have hunted man.. hunted something that will hunt back!
BTW.. damn you.. like a bad train wreck and I swore I would not repost...LOL
DA:
By the way, deer run faster than men:)
ME:
but they do not shoot back
You can have fat earl wearing his bright orange defend you.. I will have, armed to the teeth, marines protect me. Lets see who lasts longer.Bill---- should you read this... no worries here I am holding the fort down and kicking some arse...... I got your back....now make sure you have mine and wear your helmet and flak!!!!
Stay safe....I need no hunters protecting me.... that thought scares the crap out of me :)
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Duty to country...hell no.... I am a kept woman! Day 351+
I have made it 2 weeks... 2 weeks as a single mom and ya know what.. It sucks!!! I do not like this job. I laugh as I type this because I know a lot of women who are single moms, moms who have to do everything on their own, and I am whining about 2 weeks. Those other moms not only have to be the mom they are also required to be the family bread winner. Can you even imagine, doing truly everything alone.... this is not a vision I like and therefore, I am removing from my bubble!!! You see I am a kept woman, yes in my bubble. (LOL) Bill has a job that pays him two times a month and magically it appears in MY account. Yes, I am a kept women... I think I may have to discuss my husbands pay with the corps. I think my standards require much more money than he makes. Yes, I am living the high life in base housing. I am receiving health care for free. I am provided security. My kids are getting a base education.... WOW... I am so lucky..... I only had to mortgage my husband off for a year. A year of 16-18hour days with little sleep and communication standards comparable to a prison inmate. Yep... I chose wisely, I chose to be a kept woman...... it could be me serving my country!!!
So thank you honey... thank you for taking care of us and for providing me this life. I hate not being with you but I know the alternative would be so much worse. Can you even visualize me trading places....UGH!!! Lord help us if that should ever occur.
Please know that I am not bitter.. I am truly happy with my life... my husband chose a job he loves and I support him for doing so, but come on... how many of us hear about how lucky we are and how great all the things I listed must be. Are you serious.... there is not a single spouse out there that would not be willing to stop living the military lifestyle if it meant they could see and hug their husbands daily. Our lifestyle is not that glamorous. Our housing is ........ I can't even describe that. Our health care is what you all are about to experience in 2 years time....I was blessed with a head start and know how to work that system already. Our school system.... not real sure where I fall on that matter.
You see, we love our lifestyle in the military because we love our husbands... we love them with every ounce of our being. That is what the public sees, they see our undying love and adoration and to them it looks as if we truly are living the life of luxury. The public thinks we must be receiving something amazing from our government because we are so willing to move, to be single parents, to accommodate to new friends. What they miss it that is is not for our country and not for the Corps that we remain content. It is because we are in love with and loved by a Marine or Soldier. It is not a calling it is.......LOVE.
Bill- I just put my undying love for you out to the world... the only thing I asked for was you to wear your helmet and flak daily at all times... is it truly that hard???? I expect to see photos of you wearing them... in bed, at the chow hall, in the bathroom.. ok you can be washing your hands.
I must also send out props to all you single moms of the world who do it all and do it well. I praise you for your strength and stand in awe of your courage.
So thank you honey... thank you for taking care of us and for providing me this life. I hate not being with you but I know the alternative would be so much worse. Can you even visualize me trading places....UGH!!! Lord help us if that should ever occur.
Please know that I am not bitter.. I am truly happy with my life... my husband chose a job he loves and I support him for doing so, but come on... how many of us hear about how lucky we are and how great all the things I listed must be. Are you serious.... there is not a single spouse out there that would not be willing to stop living the military lifestyle if it meant they could see and hug their husbands daily. Our lifestyle is not that glamorous. Our housing is ........ I can't even describe that. Our health care is what you all are about to experience in 2 years time....I was blessed with a head start and know how to work that system already. Our school system.... not real sure where I fall on that matter.
You see, we love our lifestyle in the military because we love our husbands... we love them with every ounce of our being. That is what the public sees, they see our undying love and adoration and to them it looks as if we truly are living the life of luxury. The public thinks we must be receiving something amazing from our government because we are so willing to move, to be single parents, to accommodate to new friends. What they miss it that is is not for our country and not for the Corps that we remain content. It is because we are in love with and loved by a Marine or Soldier. It is not a calling it is.......LOVE.
Bill- I just put my undying love for you out to the world... the only thing I asked for was you to wear your helmet and flak daily at all times... is it truly that hard???? I expect to see photos of you wearing them... in bed, at the chow hall, in the bathroom.. ok you can be washing your hands.
I must also send out props to all you single moms of the world who do it all and do it well. I praise you for your strength and stand in awe of your courage.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
waiting for my thoughts to gather.... Day 351+
I have so much to say right now and much of it is ranting.... I will spare you all with it today. I have truly typed two different issues and such but realize I will offend the majority and for once.. I am keeping my mouth shut.
Okay, probably only for the day.
Bill---- stay safe. I miss your smile and the way your face lights up when you do. Keep your helmet and flak on... I am starting to worry you forgot them. I have yet to see a pic of you in them!!!
Mister is enroute... unless!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, probably only for the day.
Bill---- stay safe. I miss your smile and the way your face lights up when you do. Keep your helmet and flak on... I am starting to worry you forgot them. I have yet to see a pic of you in them!!!
Mister is enroute... unless!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, January 24, 2011
Cursing???? a form of communication everyone understands. Day 352+
I am thinking that on the mom o meter I am at my best only average. I have good days and bad days and today started out decent enough and then they came home from school. You know they must have given them something at school, they were my kids when they left this morning but I am not sure whose kids they are this evening. If Bill was here, I would completely blame him for these kids. He is not, so alas, the blame must be on the school. I keep talking and asking them to do their normal after school routine...for some reason I must be speaking in a foreign language because they keep staring at me in a blank manner. Thus far this evening, I have said stop it 20 times, eat your food and quit playing with it 10 times, go get dressed for sports 5 times, do your homework 30 times. I cannot even count how many times I have said sit still. They continue to do what they want until it happens.. Until I speak the universal language of cursing!! That is right, I had to curse, an explicit had to come hurling out of my mouth at my kids in order for them to actually snap out of their obnoxious haze of ignoring mom. I hurl some doozies and yep this one was a good one.... in my head I can hear myself yelling stop don't do it, but ya know what.. I feel so much better after these horrible words come out. I wonder if I would not do this if it were not so effective at getting my kids attention. Who knew a four letter word had so much power? My kids know these are bad words and ones not to repeat. Thank goodness they understand this. I will apologize later for my word choice, but for now...... the words wielded their power and if I apologize they lose their effectiveness. Now, that I have shared one of my not so good mommy moments, remember in an earlier post I said I do not want to be judged... I am just sharing.
On to Bill, we skyped this morning and it was great. He looks good and even in a grainy picture I knew he was smiling.... he shows a thousand teeth when he smiles. I am hoping at some point he can get on when the kids are home. They miss Dad and the above listening issues are in direct response to him being gone. Each and every one of my kids is trying real hard to see just how far they can push the rules. They are negotiating every rule that we have set as parents. I only hope that as a single parent I am strong enough to win. I would hate for me to threaten with ... "wait til Dad skypes...." . I am thinking this will not be as effective as "wait til dad gets home".
Bill- I am awaiting some form of reassurance in regards to your personal protective gear. I noticed today on skype you were not wearing your helmet nor your flak.... I do not care if you think you are safe inside camp. I am thinking that if you must wear your pistol at all times then you should also be wearing the protective gear. Yes.. I did see your pistol and your holster today!!!!
Stay safe.... we love you!!!
On to Bill, we skyped this morning and it was great. He looks good and even in a grainy picture I knew he was smiling.... he shows a thousand teeth when he smiles. I am hoping at some point he can get on when the kids are home. They miss Dad and the above listening issues are in direct response to him being gone. Each and every one of my kids is trying real hard to see just how far they can push the rules. They are negotiating every rule that we have set as parents. I only hope that as a single parent I am strong enough to win. I would hate for me to threaten with ... "wait til Dad skypes...." . I am thinking this will not be as effective as "wait til dad gets home".
Bill- I am awaiting some form of reassurance in regards to your personal protective gear. I noticed today on skype you were not wearing your helmet nor your flak.... I do not care if you think you are safe inside camp. I am thinking that if you must wear your pistol at all times then you should also be wearing the protective gear. Yes.. I did see your pistol and your holster today!!!!
Stay safe.... we love you!!!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Military jargon and my geography skills.... Day 353+
This is a short post to just share a bit of my ignorance to both military lingo and geography. As I posted previously, my geography skills are basic at best. When Bill said he was going to Afghanistan I thought oh ok , I have heard of that country in the news. I had a brief understanding of where it might be located and what was occurring in that region. I thought maybe it was by Iraq, I think if not by it at least near it. It has been over 30 years since I had geography..so hey I am close right? Keep in mind I have a Google map up as I am typing so I can refer back to it. I was told where Bill was going to be located, this is not top secret and then I was shown on a map where it is located. He is in Camp Delaram...Great! What they fail to realize that in my bubble I have to compare Afghanistan to something I can visualize in my head. This is the sad part.... I think it is like Rhode Island. Could I have picked a smaller state???? I have never visited Rhode Island, but I guess that is why my head decided on this one. I truly have no comparison at all. So, when Bill tells me where he is...I need to know if I am in the south part of RI or the north. Funny but true...Bill loves me enough to play this game and will truly describe his location based on my crazy....RI thoughts. Trust me this only gets worse.
Bill does share his work with me a bit, he tells me if it was a busy day and speaks his military lingo when describing an exercise etc. This lingo would be similar to me speaking in medical terms to a non medical professional. It is a foreign language and it is almost all acronyms. This being said, over the last couple of days during my non communication with Bill, he kept saying every time he tried to call he was in River City....hmmmm
Well... where is this River City... and how wild that a country like Afghanistan would have a city with such a normal sounding name, but hey it is like R.I. Hello..... this is where someone should be knocking on my forehead to see if I am home. I am angry that this place has no communication for my husband and I am concerned because I swear I have told him several times to not leave his desk and stay inside the camp. If he keeps going to River City...that means he is on the road right???
Go ahead...Google it.. I did... yep I typed in River City, Afghanistan. I will wait for you to come back after you read what it really is/means.
River City is a military jargon for a complete shut down of communications due to a loss of life and the military containing the spread of rumors etc..until the next of kin is notified.
Now, as much as I understand the needs for this to happen. I also now realize just how lacking I am in all skills related to geography and military lingo. Apparently, Bill did mention this apparent city to me and due to my aforementioned bubble.. that information would have been bounced away. It was about something I needed to not hear about, it was about death and or injury.
I am thinking this is going to be a educational ride for me over the next year.... what else did I completely miss!
Bill- stay out of River City... I do not like that location.. It no longer exists in RI to me. Keep your helmet and your flak on at all times. I am still awaiting pictures of you in the hooch as proof. (haha...used me some military lingo there). Mister will be on his way!!!!
Bill does share his work with me a bit, he tells me if it was a busy day and speaks his military lingo when describing an exercise etc. This lingo would be similar to me speaking in medical terms to a non medical professional. It is a foreign language and it is almost all acronyms. This being said, over the last couple of days during my non communication with Bill, he kept saying every time he tried to call he was in River City....hmmmm
Well... where is this River City... and how wild that a country like Afghanistan would have a city with such a normal sounding name, but hey it is like R.I. Hello..... this is where someone should be knocking on my forehead to see if I am home. I am angry that this place has no communication for my husband and I am concerned because I swear I have told him several times to not leave his desk and stay inside the camp. If he keeps going to River City...that means he is on the road right???
Go ahead...Google it.. I did... yep I typed in River City, Afghanistan. I will wait for you to come back after you read what it really is/means.
River City is a military jargon for a complete shut down of communications due to a loss of life and the military containing the spread of rumors etc..until the next of kin is notified.
Now, as much as I understand the needs for this to happen. I also now realize just how lacking I am in all skills related to geography and military lingo. Apparently, Bill did mention this apparent city to me and due to my aforementioned bubble.. that information would have been bounced away. It was about something I needed to not hear about, it was about death and or injury.
I am thinking this is going to be a educational ride for me over the next year.... what else did I completely miss!
Bill- stay out of River City... I do not like that location.. It no longer exists in RI to me. Keep your helmet and your flak on at all times. I am still awaiting pictures of you in the hooch as proof. (haha...used me some military lingo there). Mister will be on his way!!!!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Day 354+ Old man cat Mister... hmmm
Woke this morning to find my cat Mister still kicking. He is 20+ years old. I say this because I have had him that long and he was not exactly a kitten when I got him. He is old, he has illnesses, he truly should have died before today. He, however, is spoiled rotten and has no reason to go to a better place. Living with me is pretty darn good if you are an animal. Just ask Bill... he LOVES my animals. He says my animals get treated better than him. I still think when he whacked the cats tail off in the door that it was no accident. I will say that Mister truly tested my husband. Mister is Bills' nemesis and I truly did believe that since he made the move here, he might just live long enough for Bill to come home.. this would be cat spite!!! So, today I watch him, watch to see if this is just a bad day or if it is his last day. The kids are comforting the old man by petting him and hanging out on the couch. The cat is at his best while sleeping on my furniture. So far, so good, we will wait and see if he holds out to welcome Bill home. I would see this as a miracle and Bill would see this as a joke by God.
I will keep you informed of my cat. I know Bill is on the edge of his seat awaiting news.
(Remember, we joke about the cat and his expected life span aka death...it is how I deal).
On, to happier tidings for me. I went to my monthly neighborhood bunko game . Keep in mind, this is more social than bunko. We like to have our drinks/wine and amazing food. We tend to talk way too much and then we play...sometimes that may not even happen. I have to say this is the best one I have been involved with yet. Thank you ladies!!!! Currently over half of the group is without spouses and the rest are holding onto time until they are without theirs as well. So, here I am at bunko on glass 3 of sangria when my friend gets a call from her hubby who is at home with kids. I am told.. "run home, hurry Bill is on the phone." I dart out of the house like it is on fire almost colliding with my son Sam who has run to this home to retrieve me. You would think it has been months since we talked the way my whole family was acting. We were all smiles and giddy... Daddy has called and Bill has made everyone's day, week and month. See, it is the simple things we miss the most, the sound of his voice and the I love you's he gives. I went to bed content... it did not hurt that I also won our Left, Right, Center game we play....$60 richer...yoohoo!!! Yes, friends and neighbors..I am rubbing it in!!!!
Bill- I have dollar bills galore and now I just need you to stay safe and keep you helmet and flak on at all times. I am more than happy to send my winnings as a bribe! :) I also need you to realize that I may decided to send Mister to you to keep you company.... I guess that should be the bribe... if you do not do as I say..he is coming your way. Send pictures now as a sign of proof you are doing as you are told.
I will keep you informed of my cat. I know Bill is on the edge of his seat awaiting news.
(Remember, we joke about the cat and his expected life span aka death...it is how I deal).
On, to happier tidings for me. I went to my monthly neighborhood bunko game . Keep in mind, this is more social than bunko. We like to have our drinks/wine and amazing food. We tend to talk way too much and then we play...sometimes that may not even happen. I have to say this is the best one I have been involved with yet. Thank you ladies!!!! Currently over half of the group is without spouses and the rest are holding onto time until they are without theirs as well. So, here I am at bunko on glass 3 of sangria when my friend gets a call from her hubby who is at home with kids. I am told.. "run home, hurry Bill is on the phone." I dart out of the house like it is on fire almost colliding with my son Sam who has run to this home to retrieve me. You would think it has been months since we talked the way my whole family was acting. We were all smiles and giddy... Daddy has called and Bill has made everyone's day, week and month. See, it is the simple things we miss the most, the sound of his voice and the I love you's he gives. I went to bed content... it did not hurt that I also won our Left, Right, Center game we play....$60 richer...yoohoo!!! Yes, friends and neighbors..I am rubbing it in!!!!
Bill- I have dollar bills galore and now I just need you to stay safe and keep you helmet and flak on at all times. I am more than happy to send my winnings as a bribe! :) I also need you to realize that I may decided to send Mister to you to keep you company.... I guess that should be the bribe... if you do not do as I say..he is coming your way. Send pictures now as a sign of proof you are doing as you are told.
Friday, January 21, 2011
DAMN IT... I missed a call and an opportunity to connect online. Day 355+
OK.. so I know I mentioned previously that missing a call or an opportunity to chat sucks. Let me reiterate, it goes beyond sucking especially in the early phase of deployment. You see, there are phases to a deployment. The first being the early phase. (I cannot tell you about the others right now...because I am currently in this phase and my mind can not see beyond it). The first phase is where you can not sleep, you are in denial to the road ahead. You know that he/she has left but nothing has settled in. Your routine runs as it should because it is that oiled. You were prepared for him/her to leave so you made a routine that would work in their absence. What you did not realize that no matter how many deployments you have weathered... this phase is the one of uncertainty. The one of raw emotions. A song may make you cry, a TV show may make you cry. You are a walking emotion trying not to trip on yourself. You are trying not to expose this side of the deployment to your kids. You see, they go through a form of this phase but they let out their emotions, they cry, they wet the bed, they do what they need to do to cope. You on the other hand, must deny yourself this... or at least I do, remember I cannot go down that path. I am afraid I would not be able to pull myself out of CRAZY!
During this phase, missing a call truly hurts. It hurts way down deep, deep into your soul. It is the life line you hang on to. Today I had a wonderful day with neighbors/friends and that is when it happened. I saw the first FB post by him. Granted it has only been 5 days since I spoke with him last, but during the first phase 5 day feels like 5 weeks. I was excited to see his post, to know he was safe. I was upset that I was not home to chat online or even skype. I've been home every day, previous to today, lurking online in case he would pop on. I then got the double whammy when I walked in the door. He left a message on my machine...I missed the call by 30 minutes..... 30 flippin minutes!!!! Yes, he is fine, he sounds great...but I needed to hear his voice in real time. I needed to listen to him talk, to see if there were any long pauses (you know the ones where he says he is fine but you know better). Today, I just needed it. I am fine truly.....but today I wanted that call. I needed that call and I WAS NOT HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bill is familiar with these phases even if he does not realize the order. You all may be wondering why Bill would leave a message knowing that I am going to feel the way I do. He knows he must. It is the double edged sword here. He must leave a message on the phone because an unknown number with a hang up is worse than a message. This would be where you wonder if it was him and missed it, therefore, every hang up becomes a missed call. I get a lot of hang ups during the day...can you imagine my state of mind then!!!! You all are beginning to understand my crazy right????
Today I have a mission .... my mission is to learn how to use my charter call forwarding option. Maybe I will figure that out and maybe it will work. He says he will call tomorrow at about the time I am leaving to drop kids off at soccer and cheer. Crossing my fingers it works!!
The first phase is also the one where you learn just how much you can handle in regards to the household and the kids daily activities. This is when the kids figure out just how far they can push you and just how many rules have dropped off (we all know they can get away with more when Bill is not around). This is the also the phase where you wonder when the shoe is going to drop. You know that you are fine, that you can deal, but you keep having that sneaking suspicion that something big is just around the corner. This feeling begins to die off because you learn to ignore it!!! That would also be about the time you come into phase two. I am not there yet, so I am not going to talk about it now.
To make things a bit more emotional for me... my very elderly cat is having a bad day today (this could be the shoe). For those of you who do not know this. I have a 20+ year old cat, he is old and skinny and I am shocked he made our move here. He has a thyroid condition and he has days when truly we think it is his last. Today, he is having a not so good day. It started yesterday when I realized he was having some issues with the restroom. Today, he vomited everywhere. He ate at least 2 cans of food thus far today and they came right back out.( He eats 4x a day due to his condition and me trying to keep his caloric intake up). So here I am, emotional me, wanting to cry over a stupid missed call, picking up nasty cat puke. I gotta give the cat props for this mess.. he did it well. He gave me my outlet.. he did what I wanted to do, he just let it all out. We joke about his coming death, but truly he must hold out until I am out of phase one. He must, I may not push crazy away today!
Bill- once again keep your helmet and Flak on. Stay behind your desk....or whatever you may have... whatever you do, do not leave the camp!!!!!
During this phase, missing a call truly hurts. It hurts way down deep, deep into your soul. It is the life line you hang on to. Today I had a wonderful day with neighbors/friends and that is when it happened. I saw the first FB post by him. Granted it has only been 5 days since I spoke with him last, but during the first phase 5 day feels like 5 weeks. I was excited to see his post, to know he was safe. I was upset that I was not home to chat online or even skype. I've been home every day, previous to today, lurking online in case he would pop on. I then got the double whammy when I walked in the door. He left a message on my machine...I missed the call by 30 minutes..... 30 flippin minutes!!!! Yes, he is fine, he sounds great...but I needed to hear his voice in real time. I needed to listen to him talk, to see if there were any long pauses (you know the ones where he says he is fine but you know better). Today, I just needed it. I am fine truly.....but today I wanted that call. I needed that call and I WAS NOT HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bill is familiar with these phases even if he does not realize the order. You all may be wondering why Bill would leave a message knowing that I am going to feel the way I do. He knows he must. It is the double edged sword here. He must leave a message on the phone because an unknown number with a hang up is worse than a message. This would be where you wonder if it was him and missed it, therefore, every hang up becomes a missed call. I get a lot of hang ups during the day...can you imagine my state of mind then!!!! You all are beginning to understand my crazy right????
Today I have a mission .... my mission is to learn how to use my charter call forwarding option. Maybe I will figure that out and maybe it will work. He says he will call tomorrow at about the time I am leaving to drop kids off at soccer and cheer. Crossing my fingers it works!!
The first phase is also the one where you learn just how much you can handle in regards to the household and the kids daily activities. This is when the kids figure out just how far they can push you and just how many rules have dropped off (we all know they can get away with more when Bill is not around). This is the also the phase where you wonder when the shoe is going to drop. You know that you are fine, that you can deal, but you keep having that sneaking suspicion that something big is just around the corner. This feeling begins to die off because you learn to ignore it!!! That would also be about the time you come into phase two. I am not there yet, so I am not going to talk about it now.
To make things a bit more emotional for me... my very elderly cat is having a bad day today (this could be the shoe). For those of you who do not know this. I have a 20+ year old cat, he is old and skinny and I am shocked he made our move here. He has a thyroid condition and he has days when truly we think it is his last. Today, he is having a not so good day. It started yesterday when I realized he was having some issues with the restroom. Today, he vomited everywhere. He ate at least 2 cans of food thus far today and they came right back out.( He eats 4x a day due to his condition and me trying to keep his caloric intake up). So here I am, emotional me, wanting to cry over a stupid missed call, picking up nasty cat puke. I gotta give the cat props for this mess.. he did it well. He gave me my outlet.. he did what I wanted to do, he just let it all out. We joke about his coming death, but truly he must hold out until I am out of phase one. He must, I may not push crazy away today!
Bill- once again keep your helmet and Flak on. Stay behind your desk....or whatever you may have... whatever you do, do not leave the camp!!!!!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Rule #1 in Military spouse handbook: Day 356+
Rule # 1...(this is almost always the case and almost always happens within the first couple of weeks.) When your husband leaves be prepared for at least one major appliance to break or stop working all together. The bigger and heavier the better. We know that us women are strong and I think as a joke, the biggest ones break so we have no choice but to see... yes see if we can move it! If we are unable to move it, yes, we try and fix it or at least diagnosis the problem before calling for help. We still believe we are capable of doing it all, for heaven sakes the deployment just started.
Since Bill has been gone a week, it did not shock me when my refrigerator stopped working. Thank goodness it is the one owned by base housing for which they must repair or exchange. It is also the one in my garage holding my mommy drinks! The repair man was here first thing Tuesday morning... yeah it is fixed! Nope!!! I had a wee bit to much faith that this could be so easy. Just to make sure I was challenged, my dishwasher stopped working. Do you have any idea how many dishes I have daily? I have 4 kids and yes I have actually been cooking. OK, frozen ravioli and sauce from a jar constitutes cooking right? This said, I turn into repairman mode. I can forget about the refrigerator, that is beyond me. However, me faced with a sink full of dishes....hell ya I am gonna repair that appliance. I try running it and it just stops. I check for utensils blocking the seal..nope. I check the power..nope. I check the locking mechanism...yep! For some reason mine will not stay locked therefore turning the thing off mid cycle. I messed around with the door just long enough to get the load washed. You should know I did not have a long term goal in mind, I just did not want to hand wash an overfull dishwasher. Yippee me...I got it to wash the load by holding it shut! Not sure how productive that was seeing as how I was stuck hanging around it for a half hour, but hey I did not have to scrub. Today I will be calling housing to check it out.
Like all good things everything happens in threes.... I am hoping that my third is this.... as I started to type this blog..my number 6 fell off my laptop. Looks intact I can see where it should attach right back on..nope! If anyone knows how to attach please let me know. I have a feeling my cat Stormy may just have found another toy!!!
Bill-- once again your goal is to stay safe. You asked me not to climb on ladders while you are away and I only ask that you stay behind a desk. Yes, you heard me... stay behind a desk and of course wear your helmet and your flak!
Since Bill has been gone a week, it did not shock me when my refrigerator stopped working. Thank goodness it is the one owned by base housing for which they must repair or exchange. It is also the one in my garage holding my mommy drinks! The repair man was here first thing Tuesday morning... yeah it is fixed! Nope!!! I had a wee bit to much faith that this could be so easy. Just to make sure I was challenged, my dishwasher stopped working. Do you have any idea how many dishes I have daily? I have 4 kids and yes I have actually been cooking. OK, frozen ravioli and sauce from a jar constitutes cooking right? This said, I turn into repairman mode. I can forget about the refrigerator, that is beyond me. However, me faced with a sink full of dishes....hell ya I am gonna repair that appliance. I try running it and it just stops. I check for utensils blocking the seal..nope. I check the power..nope. I check the locking mechanism...yep! For some reason mine will not stay locked therefore turning the thing off mid cycle. I messed around with the door just long enough to get the load washed. You should know I did not have a long term goal in mind, I just did not want to hand wash an overfull dishwasher. Yippee me...I got it to wash the load by holding it shut! Not sure how productive that was seeing as how I was stuck hanging around it for a half hour, but hey I did not have to scrub. Today I will be calling housing to check it out.
Like all good things everything happens in threes.... I am hoping that my third is this.... as I started to type this blog..my number 6 fell off my laptop. Looks intact I can see where it should attach right back on..nope! If anyone knows how to attach please let me know. I have a feeling my cat Stormy may just have found another toy!!!
Bill-- once again your goal is to stay safe. You asked me not to climb on ladders while you are away and I only ask that you stay behind a desk. Yes, you heard me... stay behind a desk and of course wear your helmet and your flak!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Bubble intact.. check ! Day 357+
I am not sure what I was thinking last evening. No that is not true, I know what started my thinking. A neighbor had asked where Bill was and when I mentioned where... his comment was oh yeah, things are getting started there!! Hello... need I finish that comment? This is truly when it started, my mind started to hum but I was busy. I still had kids to feed, practice to get them to, bedtime rituals etc..Once the kids were in bed and the house was quiet, it hit me, Bill is away for quite awhile. There are a million things I can do but why. I am queen procrastinator and my curiosity was now peaked. So instead of keeping busy, I wandered the internet. HMMMM... this is a warning to all my military spouse friends...STAY AWAY from Google, keep your fingers busy on FB or other non news sites. Whatever you do, do not type in the location of where your spouse is. The information you receive may not be what you have placed in your mind. My bubble of denial and safe haven was rocked last evening. I was reading new articles albeit some were from last year...but crap my bubble was staring to really weaken. I then got linked into a blog by a military widow...UGH!!! I guess I was trying to pop my bubble and get on with this separation. Now don't get me wrong here...the blog I read was by an amazing woman. No fault to her, but I should not have been reading this.
I fault only myself for last evening. I broke rule #4 of military spouse code of survival. I watched/read news articles about my husbands location. What was I thinking. We all know that to survive you must ignore the news outlets. You must stick your head in the sand. Now, there are some that want this informatin and fair well with it during a deployment. I am not one of those. I believe in the saying that ignorance is bliss.
So today, I am clearing my mind and blowing my bubble bigger. I need it and I almost popped it on week one.
So with that, I am going to hold my spine straight and move forward. I am going to ignore the news and fight hard to not let my fingers wander on google. If you have any information about where or what my husband is doing....great, please do not tell me. I will wait to hear about it from him. When I hear it from him, my bubble stays intact. He is talking to me, therefore he is safe and that is what I hold onto.
In defense of my neighbor, he truly only made a passing statement and had no idea what the impact would be to me. Heck, I had no idea what the impact would be. I do not fault him... he is a great neighbor and a dear friend. He was just chatting with me and I needed to chat. I thank my lucky stars for the neighbors I have and know that without them I would not fair so well.
Stay safe Bill.. remember to wear your flak and your helmet at all times. I do not care how silly you look being the only one wearing it to bed!!!!!
I fault only myself for last evening. I broke rule #4 of military spouse code of survival. I watched/read news articles about my husbands location. What was I thinking. We all know that to survive you must ignore the news outlets. You must stick your head in the sand. Now, there are some that want this informatin and fair well with it during a deployment. I am not one of those. I believe in the saying that ignorance is bliss.
So today, I am clearing my mind and blowing my bubble bigger. I need it and I almost popped it on week one.
So with that, I am going to hold my spine straight and move forward. I am going to ignore the news and fight hard to not let my fingers wander on google. If you have any information about where or what my husband is doing....great, please do not tell me. I will wait to hear about it from him. When I hear it from him, my bubble stays intact. He is talking to me, therefore he is safe and that is what I hold onto.
In defense of my neighbor, he truly only made a passing statement and had no idea what the impact would be to me. Heck, I had no idea what the impact would be. I do not fault him... he is a great neighbor and a dear friend. He was just chatting with me and I needed to chat. I thank my lucky stars for the neighbors I have and know that without them I would not fair so well.
Stay safe Bill.. remember to wear your flak and your helmet at all times. I do not care how silly you look being the only one wearing it to bed!!!!!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
How do kids cope??? Day 358+
Kids.... they are the most resilient of creatures, they are the smartest of creatures, they are amazing!
My kids thus far have been amazing in dealing with Dad's departure. One week down and no significant outbursts of emotions or fighting (I said significant). They seem to be adjusting well. We talk about Dad the same amount as we did before he left....yes he remains the butt of most jokes around here. What I did notice is that I checked Bills fb wall and noticed Sam had sent him a cute I miss you message. He is able to communicate with Dad but I found it odd he posted a tag. That is not like Sam, so he must be feeling a form of separation and just dealing with it internally. Hmmmm... I might need to watch a bit more closely to see if other signs get dropped. You see, kids just go, they go with whatever they are given. They respond in turn to how I respond. If I am sad, they are sad. If I am happy and carefree, they are happy and carefree. So, I am putting on the strong front and keeping my fears to myself. Ok...some of you know my fears...we just do not speak about them (I am a bit superstitious).
Sal is dealing well, but I noticed something yesterday. He is making breakfast sandwiches now... this is a kid that only knew how to make french toast or at least only showed that one ability. Breakfast sandwiches are something Bill would do for the kids and me. He always made breakfast for them on the weekends. My lack of cooking was discussed yesterday and well breakfast and me...not a good combination at all. Back to Sal and his cooking....hmmm... he made sandwiches for Sam today. WOW!! I think that is awesome but I also realize that this is how Sal is dealing with Dad being gone. He is fixing comfort food. Fixing something that reminds him of Dad. He is also stepping up and providing comfort to his brother in the form of a sandwich. This makes me both proud and sad at the same time. My oldest is growing up and I am seeing it, he is showing it to me in the simple form of sharing. Sharing a breakfast moment with his brother like they would do with Dad. This is a milestone.... just not a toddler or infant one... and once again, Bill is missing it!
Cami and Tony are doing well, they are quarreling a bit more than usual and the bed wetting is back..UGH!!! This is one form of separation I could do without. I know this one well and remember it from previous deployments and moves. The problem is that the two of them share a room and for some reason have decided to take turns on who should wet the bed (please keep this to yourself, my 3rd grader would be mortified if friends found out). I deal with this form by treating it as I would even if Dad was around. I tell them this is not okay. That they are big kids and need to wake up and use the bathroom. I do not start asking the questions of; are you okay? are you missing dad? This would only give my kids (smart as they are) a good excuse to use and then they would take complete advantage and realize they can blame every bad action on this. I know my kids are smart and I got this one. Give them nothing to use in their arsenal of excuses including a deployment. Treat them the same and expect them to behave the same. This will get you through. I at least tell myself this is true.
The other thing that the two are doing is quarrleing. I think it stems from Tony thinking he needs to be Cami's keeper. This will not work well, she is too much like me and well.. no one is my keeper! I will need to explain she will be fine and that I got this one. I can handle her so he can just enjoy her.
Day 358 and counting down!!!
Stay safe Bill, we need you home in one piece to cook breakfast and change bed sheets and of course to HUG!
My kids thus far have been amazing in dealing with Dad's departure. One week down and no significant outbursts of emotions or fighting (I said significant). They seem to be adjusting well. We talk about Dad the same amount as we did before he left....yes he remains the butt of most jokes around here. What I did notice is that I checked Bills fb wall and noticed Sam had sent him a cute I miss you message. He is able to communicate with Dad but I found it odd he posted a tag. That is not like Sam, so he must be feeling a form of separation and just dealing with it internally. Hmmmm... I might need to watch a bit more closely to see if other signs get dropped. You see, kids just go, they go with whatever they are given. They respond in turn to how I respond. If I am sad, they are sad. If I am happy and carefree, they are happy and carefree. So, I am putting on the strong front and keeping my fears to myself. Ok...some of you know my fears...we just do not speak about them (I am a bit superstitious).
Sal is dealing well, but I noticed something yesterday. He is making breakfast sandwiches now... this is a kid that only knew how to make french toast or at least only showed that one ability. Breakfast sandwiches are something Bill would do for the kids and me. He always made breakfast for them on the weekends. My lack of cooking was discussed yesterday and well breakfast and me...not a good combination at all. Back to Sal and his cooking....hmmm... he made sandwiches for Sam today. WOW!! I think that is awesome but I also realize that this is how Sal is dealing with Dad being gone. He is fixing comfort food. Fixing something that reminds him of Dad. He is also stepping up and providing comfort to his brother in the form of a sandwich. This makes me both proud and sad at the same time. My oldest is growing up and I am seeing it, he is showing it to me in the simple form of sharing. Sharing a breakfast moment with his brother like they would do with Dad. This is a milestone.... just not a toddler or infant one... and once again, Bill is missing it!
Cami and Tony are doing well, they are quarreling a bit more than usual and the bed wetting is back..UGH!!! This is one form of separation I could do without. I know this one well and remember it from previous deployments and moves. The problem is that the two of them share a room and for some reason have decided to take turns on who should wet the bed (please keep this to yourself, my 3rd grader would be mortified if friends found out). I deal with this form by treating it as I would even if Dad was around. I tell them this is not okay. That they are big kids and need to wake up and use the bathroom. I do not start asking the questions of; are you okay? are you missing dad? This would only give my kids (smart as they are) a good excuse to use and then they would take complete advantage and realize they can blame every bad action on this. I know my kids are smart and I got this one. Give them nothing to use in their arsenal of excuses including a deployment. Treat them the same and expect them to behave the same. This will get you through. I at least tell myself this is true.
The other thing that the two are doing is quarrleing. I think it stems from Tony thinking he needs to be Cami's keeper. This will not work well, she is too much like me and well.. no one is my keeper! I will need to explain she will be fine and that I got this one. I can handle her so he can just enjoy her.
Day 358 and counting down!!!
Stay safe Bill, we need you home in one piece to cook breakfast and change bed sheets and of course to HUG!
Monday, January 17, 2011
WOW.. a day has already escaped me. Day 359+
It has not quite been a week since Bill left and it truly is going by fast. I will say I am overly busy and this weekend took its toll on me. I did not blog yesterday on purpose. I truly cut that out of my day due to time constraints. Beware, I have a feeling it may happen every weekend. LOL
After this weekend, I now realize I am up for one heck of a challenge raising the kids alone. I will now add single mothers to my prayer list, they are amazing!
The kids have adjusted well, they were asking when Daddy would skype again since we have not talked for the last couple of days. He did call yesterday, but I was not home. Sal was home and apparently was able to chat for a minute with his dad. He of course, did not tell me dad called. I figured out he called after arriving home yesterday in between soccer games and checked the caller id. I recognized a base number but not whom or where on base it came from. This usually means a DSN call to the base. This is a free call for Bill. It means he uses a DSN in country and then calls another DSN here stateside and they patch the call to the house. Gotta love government operators here!
This brings up what happens when you realize you missed a call. Most likely the only call you were going to receive for the day and you missed it. This is one of the WORST feelings you get when they are gone. Knowing you missed an opportunity to hear their voice, to share a moment, to say I love you. I hate this feeling the most. You will then attach yourself to the house for the next couple of days waiting and hoping he gets another opportunity and you put all outside activities on hold. When they leave you promise you are not going to do this. You swear to yourself you will move about and you tell yourself you have a cell, so it is easier for them to reach you.... but even with a cell.... it happens. You miss the calls....... you miss them and it sucks....you try not to cry or feel disappointed, but you do. You run through a mountain of emotions and then try to hold onto the thought that they will call back... real soon. This is not always the case and then if they do not call back for days, you suffer silently inside. You rerun what you did during that phone call that made you miss it. You try and rehash how you could have let such a thing happen. Yep, you pretty much punish yourself emotionally until you hear from them. When you finally do get to hear from them.... all that pining is gone. You just feel loved and happy and overjoyed. You get to hear their voice, share that moment, say I love you.
Bill called back this morning.......no pining for me :)
Now back to my crazy weekend and first week of being a single mom... it boils down to cooking. Do I have to?????
I am not sure about others, but I am not a huge fan of cooking. It is a chore for me and when I cook for my kids it is definitely a chore that is not appreciated. With that said, can you still be a great mom if you only feed them from the frozen food section? I think today I am going to only shop in it. They seem happiest when eating this form of food, so why work so hard with a home cooked meal. If you have seen my kids, you need not comment on healthy eating habits and the link to obesity. My kids are tiny... I do not see this as a problem. I am thinking maybe the processed foods and whatever injected hormones they may contain might just help my kids. Maybe they will reach the average height for Americans. I think I should try this and submit it as a blind study. Me feeding them this crap would not be out of my laziness or lack of cooking, but for the good of science. I think I like this outlook. I will measure each child today for baseline measurements and report their progress in the coming months. If you are a neighbor and feel sorry for my kids, feel free to feed them. I am sure then you will see what I mean about the lack of appreciation they have for foods. They will either graciously decline what you offer or swallow whole with no tasting involved.
With that I sign off, to go check out just how many meals I can get away with.. I believe I am set... even PB&J is available pre-made and FROZEN!!!!!!!
After this weekend, I now realize I am up for one heck of a challenge raising the kids alone. I will now add single mothers to my prayer list, they are amazing!
The kids have adjusted well, they were asking when Daddy would skype again since we have not talked for the last couple of days. He did call yesterday, but I was not home. Sal was home and apparently was able to chat for a minute with his dad. He of course, did not tell me dad called. I figured out he called after arriving home yesterday in between soccer games and checked the caller id. I recognized a base number but not whom or where on base it came from. This usually means a DSN call to the base. This is a free call for Bill. It means he uses a DSN in country and then calls another DSN here stateside and they patch the call to the house. Gotta love government operators here!
This brings up what happens when you realize you missed a call. Most likely the only call you were going to receive for the day and you missed it. This is one of the WORST feelings you get when they are gone. Knowing you missed an opportunity to hear their voice, to share a moment, to say I love you. I hate this feeling the most. You will then attach yourself to the house for the next couple of days waiting and hoping he gets another opportunity and you put all outside activities on hold. When they leave you promise you are not going to do this. You swear to yourself you will move about and you tell yourself you have a cell, so it is easier for them to reach you.... but even with a cell.... it happens. You miss the calls....... you miss them and it sucks....you try not to cry or feel disappointed, but you do. You run through a mountain of emotions and then try to hold onto the thought that they will call back... real soon. This is not always the case and then if they do not call back for days, you suffer silently inside. You rerun what you did during that phone call that made you miss it. You try and rehash how you could have let such a thing happen. Yep, you pretty much punish yourself emotionally until you hear from them. When you finally do get to hear from them.... all that pining is gone. You just feel loved and happy and overjoyed. You get to hear their voice, share that moment, say I love you.
Bill called back this morning.......no pining for me :)
Now back to my crazy weekend and first week of being a single mom... it boils down to cooking. Do I have to?????
I am not sure about others, but I am not a huge fan of cooking. It is a chore for me and when I cook for my kids it is definitely a chore that is not appreciated. With that said, can you still be a great mom if you only feed them from the frozen food section? I think today I am going to only shop in it. They seem happiest when eating this form of food, so why work so hard with a home cooked meal. If you have seen my kids, you need not comment on healthy eating habits and the link to obesity. My kids are tiny... I do not see this as a problem. I am thinking maybe the processed foods and whatever injected hormones they may contain might just help my kids. Maybe they will reach the average height for Americans. I think I should try this and submit it as a blind study. Me feeding them this crap would not be out of my laziness or lack of cooking, but for the good of science. I think I like this outlook. I will measure each child today for baseline measurements and report their progress in the coming months. If you are a neighbor and feel sorry for my kids, feel free to feed them. I am sure then you will see what I mean about the lack of appreciation they have for foods. They will either graciously decline what you offer or swallow whole with no tasting involved.
With that I sign off, to go check out just how many meals I can get away with.. I believe I am set... even PB&J is available pre-made and FROZEN!!!!!!!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Busy Busy Busy Day 361+
Holy Cow, today was definitely a wake up into my abilities logistically.
Here is my driving run down:
0730- Sal to school to catch bus.. Wrestling super dual today.
0800- back home to feed other kids breakfast and shower
0830- leave to go watch Sal wrestle at dual
0900- arrive at area high school hosting dual
1050- leave school to go buy food for wrestlers
1125- back to school with food from grocery store.. I am that fast!!!
1135- leave dual to drive to a different high school to sign waiver for soccer tournament. Tournament is at today!!
1205- arrive at that high school sign papers and head for home.
*1220- get told on phone that I need to have my middle boy go back to same high school to sign player card and have me sign waiver for his tournament. UGH!! You do notice I did not get that call until I was almost home!
1235- arrive home to grab a quick bite, feed remaining 3 kids, pile them in van to race back to high school to do above items.
1240- leave home for high school I was just at
1305- arrive at area school with Sam and sign all papers needed to play.
1335- arrive back home drop off kids and return to van to go watch Sal wrestle some more.
1400- arrive at area high school to watch Sal's final match.
1445- leave that high school and race across town to soccer tournament.
1515- arrive for soccer game that starts at 1530.
1555- leave soccer gym to go home and pick up remaining 3 kids so we can retunr for 1730 game and then go eat.
1620- arrive home and grab kids. leave for soccer gym.
1650- arrive at gym and race in to watch next game.
1800- leave soccer gym with all kids to go eat dinner and then return back to gym for another game
1830- back at gym, kids fed, awaiting game time.
1950- leave gym with all kids.. time to get ready for bed.
2020- arrive home.. kids to bed!
2100- leave for gym... one last game and then I can call it a night!!!!
Anyone tired yet... I am exhausted, tank of gas is done. I get to repeat most of this tomorrow starting with a 8am game. What was I thinking signing three kids up for competitive soccer. My spring is going to be crazy... wait I know what I was thinking. I was thinking that I would be sure my kids did not lose out on anything just because Dad is gone. I wanted to be sure they remained in every activity they were in previously. I figured not having Bill here was enough loss and that they deserved the continuity of what we have done in the past. We make no changes to those of us that are home, we continue on as if Bill was still here. We "pretend" we can do it all. All I can say is WOW did I bite off more than I can chew.. I guess I will just have to chew faster!
I can say this... I did it, the sense of accomplishment knowing that as busy as it was, I did it! I did it all on my own and it worked out. Kids are happy. In the end that is all that really matters, how my kids are and today they are Happy!!!
Praying for you Bill and for all military members serving away from their families. May you return home safely.
Here is my driving run down:
0730- Sal to school to catch bus.. Wrestling super dual today.
0800- back home to feed other kids breakfast and shower
0830- leave to go watch Sal wrestle at dual
0900- arrive at area high school hosting dual
1050- leave school to go buy food for wrestlers
1125- back to school with food from grocery store.. I am that fast!!!
1135- leave dual to drive to a different high school to sign waiver for soccer tournament. Tournament is at today!!
1205- arrive at that high school sign papers and head for home.
*1220- get told on phone that I need to have my middle boy go back to same high school to sign player card and have me sign waiver for his tournament. UGH!! You do notice I did not get that call until I was almost home!
1235- arrive home to grab a quick bite, feed remaining 3 kids, pile them in van to race back to high school to do above items.
1240- leave home for high school I was just at
1305- arrive at area school with Sam and sign all papers needed to play.
1335- arrive back home drop off kids and return to van to go watch Sal wrestle some more.
1400- arrive at area high school to watch Sal's final match.
1445- leave that high school and race across town to soccer tournament.
1515- arrive for soccer game that starts at 1530.
1555- leave soccer gym to go home and pick up remaining 3 kids so we can retunr for 1730 game and then go eat.
1620- arrive home and grab kids. leave for soccer gym.
1650- arrive at gym and race in to watch next game.
1800- leave soccer gym with all kids to go eat dinner and then return back to gym for another game
1830- back at gym, kids fed, awaiting game time.
1950- leave gym with all kids.. time to get ready for bed.
2020- arrive home.. kids to bed!
2100- leave for gym... one last game and then I can call it a night!!!!
Anyone tired yet... I am exhausted, tank of gas is done. I get to repeat most of this tomorrow starting with a 8am game. What was I thinking signing three kids up for competitive soccer. My spring is going to be crazy... wait I know what I was thinking. I was thinking that I would be sure my kids did not lose out on anything just because Dad is gone. I wanted to be sure they remained in every activity they were in previously. I figured not having Bill here was enough loss and that they deserved the continuity of what we have done in the past. We make no changes to those of us that are home, we continue on as if Bill was still here. We "pretend" we can do it all. All I can say is WOW did I bite off more than I can chew.. I guess I will just have to chew faster!
I can say this... I did it, the sense of accomplishment knowing that as busy as it was, I did it! I did it all on my own and it worked out. Kids are happy. In the end that is all that really matters, how my kids are and today they are Happy!!!
Praying for you Bill and for all military members serving away from their families. May you return home safely.
Friday, January 14, 2011
No pity needed and No judging either! Day 362+
OK, so now that I am officially up and running and doing this blog thing. I ask all of you readers to understand this about me. I am not your typical person. I am a very strong willed being and I speak what I think and a lot of the time that may be politically incorrect, hurtful, and just down right truthful. I have a huge heart and I guard it well. I get hurt a lot but I will not show it. I will not allow you, the person that hurt me to see it. My intentions are never mean or hurtful, but because of my inability to process inside my head, sometimes the things I say come out wrong and well they sound mean and hurtful. I work very hard at not doing this to anyone I care about and even to perfect strangers. I tend to get along better with men because they are not as emotionally driven as women (sorry ladies). Men hear what I say and take it at face value, nothing said with any hidden agenda or meaning. Women on the other hand, well sorry we are an emotional sort and not all of you but a lot of women twist what you say and project their own ideas and thoughts to it. So... if what I said just offended you, I will apologize this one and only time... I am sorry.
Yes, I do have some wonderful women friends... because they love me for me and understand this part of me. To them...THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU!
That being said please if you read my blog and try to internalize how you think I should or might be feeling, don't. Those feelings you are placing on me are not mine, they are yours. I will tell you how I feel when I want to and I will try very hard to be honest about my emotions. I am not trying to gain your pity. I am not trying to compete with you and your abilities as a military spouse. I know many women whose husband have deployed more often and longer than mine. Deployments are not a measure into a man or a family, they are the means to an end. To the end of a war. To those who have sacrificed more often than I, I stand beside you proud to call you a friend. I stand beside you because that is what I do, that is what we spouses do, we stand beside each other and hold hands. We support in every and any manner in which we can. I write this blog to share, not to compete with you, but to share with friends and family what I am doing and how I am feeling.
I say this because we military spouses tend to not want to vent or complain or "share" with other military spouses if their spouse has been gone longer, if their spouse is going for a shorter period, if they have more kids, if they have no kids, if their spouse is deployed out of a combat area, if their spouse is in a hot zone. You get the idea right, we wear , for a better term, battle scars... These are just scars and we all have them and we should be able to share regardless of how many or how few. I am going to own this deployment and what it means to ME and my family. I want you, my fellow friends and military spouses to continue to share with me. I want you military spouses to own your separation as well. Do not compare ours, they are completely different because we are, the only common variable is that we married men/women who devoted their lives to our country. You are entitled to feel how you feel and entitled to complain whenever you need to. I am no better and no worse than anyone and I want the freedom to speak, to speak without comparing battle scars. Lord knows, I plan on speaking a lot! I enjoy hearing about your husband and your family, so continue to do so. Vent if he is home or if he is away. Don't not talk to me about your family because it is whole right now. That is the worst thing you can do, treat me differently.
No Pity needed and No Judging allowed!!!! I am doing my best, it may not be what you would feel or do, but it is mine. I am owning every bit of it!!!
With all that said, I want to thank all of you for your kind words of encouragement and your prayers. I ask that you pray for Bill and for all the troops safety until they are home in the arms of loved ones.
O Almighty and merciful God, who has commissioned your angels to guide and protect us, may they be our companions from our setting out until our return. Clothe us with their invisible protection; keep from us all danger of collision, of fire, of explosion, of falling; and finally,having preserved us from all evil, and especially from sin, guide us to our heavenly home. Through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen
Yes, I do have some wonderful women friends... because they love me for me and understand this part of me. To them...THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU!
That being said please if you read my blog and try to internalize how you think I should or might be feeling, don't. Those feelings you are placing on me are not mine, they are yours. I will tell you how I feel when I want to and I will try very hard to be honest about my emotions. I am not trying to gain your pity. I am not trying to compete with you and your abilities as a military spouse. I know many women whose husband have deployed more often and longer than mine. Deployments are not a measure into a man or a family, they are the means to an end. To the end of a war. To those who have sacrificed more often than I, I stand beside you proud to call you a friend. I stand beside you because that is what I do, that is what we spouses do, we stand beside each other and hold hands. We support in every and any manner in which we can. I write this blog to share, not to compete with you, but to share with friends and family what I am doing and how I am feeling.
I say this because we military spouses tend to not want to vent or complain or "share" with other military spouses if their spouse has been gone longer, if their spouse is going for a shorter period, if they have more kids, if they have no kids, if their spouse is deployed out of a combat area, if their spouse is in a hot zone. You get the idea right, we wear , for a better term, battle scars... These are just scars and we all have them and we should be able to share regardless of how many or how few. I am going to own this deployment and what it means to ME and my family. I want you, my fellow friends and military spouses to continue to share with me. I want you military spouses to own your separation as well. Do not compare ours, they are completely different because we are, the only common variable is that we married men/women who devoted their lives to our country. You are entitled to feel how you feel and entitled to complain whenever you need to. I am no better and no worse than anyone and I want the freedom to speak, to speak without comparing battle scars. Lord knows, I plan on speaking a lot! I enjoy hearing about your husband and your family, so continue to do so. Vent if he is home or if he is away. Don't not talk to me about your family because it is whole right now. That is the worst thing you can do, treat me differently.
No Pity needed and No Judging allowed!!!! I am doing my best, it may not be what you would feel or do, but it is mine. I am owning every bit of it!!!
With all that said, I want to thank all of you for your kind words of encouragement and your prayers. I ask that you pray for Bill and for all the troops safety until they are home in the arms of loved ones.
O Almighty and merciful God, who has commissioned your angels to guide and protect us, may they be our companions from our setting out until our return. Clothe us with their invisible protection; keep from us all danger of collision, of fire, of explosion, of falling; and finally,having preserved us from all evil, and especially from sin, guide us to our heavenly home. Through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen
Thursday, January 13, 2011
363+ Oh Happy Day
Last evening while I was playing fb games and awaiting the potential of Bill being online, it happened. He popped up on Skype. I was ecstatic. I had no way of knowing where he was, let alone if he even had internet yet, but us wives have a knack for knowing. Knowing when our husbands are reaching out. Us military wives have a knack for staying close to the computer and the phone in the off chance he may call. Yes, we waste countless hours every day waiting. We know we shouldn't but it is like a bad car wreck you can not look away from.... you just do it. You sit and wait and wait, willing for the phone to ring or that ding of the computer. That was me last evening and I was so excited to chat with Bill. He looks good and he has made it to Manas. Where is Manas you ask? I did not know either, so I googled it. It is where he is staged prior to completing his travels into Afghanistan. Bill just laughed at my lack of geography skills but hey why do I need them, I am not traveling anywhere. Now on to my lack of computer skills, for some reason my video showed a huge green bar over half his face, but none the less it was him. I was able to see him, see him smile and know he was okay. To any of you expert Skypers if you know what I need to do to fix the green bar that would be great!
Now that I was getting my Bill fix, I wanted the kids to get theirs so last evening he promised... (remember he never breaks a promise ever!) to call in the morning via Skype and chat with the kids. Today is a happy day! He called at 6:40am to chat with the kids. Yes, even I the non morning person was happy before 7am. As a wife, when our husbands are gone, we are amazing at getting through the day on very little sleep and we are willing to forgo sleep entirely if it grants us a video call. Kids were excited to see Dad and to chat. We set Dad (aka laptop) on the breakfast bar and had breakfast with him. He even said it felt as if he was sitting with us having coffee. He heard me yelling at them to hurry up and get ready, he saw the lunches being made, he saw Cami brushing her teeth. He saw us carrying on like always, everyone staying the same. Everyone blew kisses as they left for the bus and Bill and I gave our usual send off. I love you was said along with stay safe, stay low and please remember to wear all your gear! I know I do not have to say this, but it is funny to me. I think he might need me to remind him to wear his helmet, his flak jacket etc... He has a hard time remembering important things at home, so I figure he might do the same while he is away.
Today was a Happy Day. His call will pull us through several days of no contact, oh ok, I am secretly hoping for him to call again tonight and I will be sitting and waiting for him to do so.
Now that I was getting my Bill fix, I wanted the kids to get theirs so last evening he promised... (remember he never breaks a promise ever!) to call in the morning via Skype and chat with the kids. Today is a happy day! He called at 6:40am to chat with the kids. Yes, even I the non morning person was happy before 7am. As a wife, when our husbands are gone, we are amazing at getting through the day on very little sleep and we are willing to forgo sleep entirely if it grants us a video call. Kids were excited to see Dad and to chat. We set Dad (aka laptop) on the breakfast bar and had breakfast with him. He even said it felt as if he was sitting with us having coffee. He heard me yelling at them to hurry up and get ready, he saw the lunches being made, he saw Cami brushing her teeth. He saw us carrying on like always, everyone staying the same. Everyone blew kisses as they left for the bus and Bill and I gave our usual send off. I love you was said along with stay safe, stay low and please remember to wear all your gear! I know I do not have to say this, but it is funny to me. I think he might need me to remind him to wear his helmet, his flak jacket etc... He has a hard time remembering important things at home, so I figure he might do the same while he is away.
Today was a Happy Day. His call will pull us through several days of no contact, oh ok, I am secretly hoping for him to call again tonight and I will be sitting and waiting for him to do so.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Day 364+
Today was the official start of being a single parent for the next year.
So far, It is looking up. I do think I should be thankful to God though, he did have my back this morning and over the last two days. Yes, I said he. In my minds eye, God is a man! I will explain why he had my back. It snowed a lot here in NC over the last two days, which is odd. I can only believe it was God granting my kids and me more time with Bill. He had to have heard our hearts weeping for more time.. more hugs... more kisses.... just more. We got it.. we got it in the form of snow and ice. Coastal NC was shut down including the base. We were able to hang out and watch movies, play games, play in the snow and just be a family. Yesterday when Bill left, we got to hang out with him until the bus pulled away with no care to teachers or schoolwork. Could I truly ask for more... yes and I was blessed with it. God and Bill both know I hate mornings...I truly hate them. I am not meant to wake up before 7am and I am not meant to be happy prior to 7am. I am meant to sleep. I am a night owl and therefore I require later mornings. I am going to have to adjust this morning thing now that Bill is not home. Bill was the one who woke at 5am to wake up my older boys. He was the one in charge of making lunches. Now that falls on me, God was kind enough to allow me to gracefully except this by giving my kids a 2 hour delay and therefore allowing me my 7am wake-up. THANK YOU LORD it truly is the small things in life!
My kids did great this morning and I hope they continue their ways through this evening. I do take my life day by day and can only hope for repeats in the days ahead. They all got dressed and ate breakfast without me having to tell them to do so 100 times. Sal made it to school and did not forget anything, he tends to forget a lot. I volunteered in Cami's class and my day went as any other Wednesday should go.
I did not cry openly today. Ok, so a small tear escaped when I looked over in my room an noticed Bill had left his green cammies laying on the cedar chest. Yes.. I did go smell them. Yes... they smell like Bill and that is when a tear escaped me. I miss him already. I then moved quickly into my bubble and decided that I should not be sad, I should be upset that by goodness he did not put away his laundry. What was he thinking???? Does he not realize just how this would upset me. Maybe he left them out....to see if I put them away! I now have a new goal.... to NOT put his laundry away and let it sit on my cedar chest for the year. :) I think I might be good at this game. I wonder what else he has left for me to find?
So far, It is looking up. I do think I should be thankful to God though, he did have my back this morning and over the last two days. Yes, I said he. In my minds eye, God is a man! I will explain why he had my back. It snowed a lot here in NC over the last two days, which is odd. I can only believe it was God granting my kids and me more time with Bill. He had to have heard our hearts weeping for more time.. more hugs... more kisses.... just more. We got it.. we got it in the form of snow and ice. Coastal NC was shut down including the base. We were able to hang out and watch movies, play games, play in the snow and just be a family. Yesterday when Bill left, we got to hang out with him until the bus pulled away with no care to teachers or schoolwork. Could I truly ask for more... yes and I was blessed with it. God and Bill both know I hate mornings...I truly hate them. I am not meant to wake up before 7am and I am not meant to be happy prior to 7am. I am meant to sleep. I am a night owl and therefore I require later mornings. I am going to have to adjust this morning thing now that Bill is not home. Bill was the one who woke at 5am to wake up my older boys. He was the one in charge of making lunches. Now that falls on me, God was kind enough to allow me to gracefully except this by giving my kids a 2 hour delay and therefore allowing me my 7am wake-up. THANK YOU LORD it truly is the small things in life!
My kids did great this morning and I hope they continue their ways through this evening. I do take my life day by day and can only hope for repeats in the days ahead. They all got dressed and ate breakfast without me having to tell them to do so 100 times. Sal made it to school and did not forget anything, he tends to forget a lot. I volunteered in Cami's class and my day went as any other Wednesday should go.
I did not cry openly today. Ok, so a small tear escaped when I looked over in my room an noticed Bill had left his green cammies laying on the cedar chest. Yes.. I did go smell them. Yes... they smell like Bill and that is when a tear escaped me. I miss him already. I then moved quickly into my bubble and decided that I should not be sad, I should be upset that by goodness he did not put away his laundry. What was he thinking???? Does he not realize just how this would upset me. Maybe he left them out....to see if I put them away! I now have a new goal.... to NOT put his laundry away and let it sit on my cedar chest for the year. :) I think I might be good at this game. I wonder what else he has left for me to find?
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Seriously.... 10 mins from him leaving a call from his life insurance company!!!
Ok so I forgot to put this one in my day 365+. 10 mins from leaving the regiment where we dropped BIll off, a call comes to my cell phone. Who is it?? I do not recognize the number, which means I will answer it. I hate not knowing who calls. It happens to be USAA inquiring about our life insurance plan my husband has recently purchased. HELLO!!! not a call you want 10 mins into a deployment. Apparently military medicine has snafu-ed our insurance. Of course, Bill is no longer available to reach so they call me. What, they could not have called yesterday... they had his deployment date listed and then proceeded to say that they thought it was tomorrow....nope...it was actually listed as the 10th..so you Mr. Insurance are just bad at your job and screwed up. Now back to the military med piece.. they have left out some of his medical records that they need to finalize this insurance. USAA has asked for these documents 4x now with no luck. Great so now I have to jump around, do they special military spouse dance and wala get it sent....whatever..I am not holding my breath that this will be done any time soon.
Honey--- when ya read this this is reason number one you must return home safe.. apparently our life insurance on you is not quite valid yet....
BTW.. to all my non military readers, we spouses talk about life insurance like we talk about dinner. It is one of those things you have. You update and you add to it like you might add more salt to a dish you prepare. Do not fret, we have coverage, we were just adding more. A girl has needs ya know and well if the worst thing ever happened...... I wanted to be secure.
Another thing you must all get..is that I may joke about things and come across as insensitive.. this would be my bubble keeping me intact. I make jokes cuz it helps my bubble not pop!
Honey--- when ya read this this is reason number one you must return home safe.. apparently our life insurance on you is not quite valid yet....
BTW.. to all my non military readers, we spouses talk about life insurance like we talk about dinner. It is one of those things you have. You update and you add to it like you might add more salt to a dish you prepare. Do not fret, we have coverage, we were just adding more. A girl has needs ya know and well if the worst thing ever happened...... I wanted to be secure.
Another thing you must all get..is that I may joke about things and come across as insensitive.. this would be my bubble keeping me intact. I make jokes cuz it helps my bubble not pop!
Day 365 +
Well I am going to try and blog what I am doing, feeling, accomplishing and failing during the next year of Bill's deployment to Afghanistan. He is with RCT 8 and if you ask where in Afghanistan, well to be honest, I just recently figured out where Afghanistan is, so that information will have to come from him. You all will need to bear with me as I learn how to Blog and also on my inability to be non circular with my thoughts. Yes, I like to ramble and I type exactly how I talk, bad grammar and all.
Bill just left today about an hour ago and we did real good. We held strong, no tears were shed and a see you later was said. The kids were amazing and after standing in the freezing cold temps they were just ready to leave and warm up. Sam actually asked " Why can't we just go get in the van and say bye now , mom. Does dad really need us here?" He is going to be my rock during this I know it. He has a knack of saying it like it is with no emotional baggage. Cami said she would miss Daddy and that she would see him on Skype... thank god for technology! Sal looked around us and noticed a lot of other families and such with tear filled eyes crying openly. He says " Can you tell who all the new people are that haven't been through this?" Smart Ass!
Tony was a kid just wanting to make snowballs and have fun. They all hugged their dad goodbye, gave kisses and waved as he rode off in the bus. My kids are troopers!
Now on to the person inside me... she was bawling like a baby. I, however, will not let this person out. I am afraid that if I do, I may just lose myself to the sadness of it all. I am afraid if I start to cry, that I will not stop. So, I choose to hold my head high and ignore that crazy lady in my head. Keep in mind she may show up when I type.
You will hear me comment a lot about my bubble. It is a bubble of protection from everything and anyone that wants to do me harm., physical or emotional. It is my bubble and I prefer it not to be popped. Yes, it is a bubble of denial at times, but it works for me. Healthy or not, it works so I ask you all..DO NOT POP MY BUBBLE! If you hear me say "in my bubble" this means.. back off.. you have hit a nerve of some sort and I really do not need to hear anymore of what you are saying. Basically, it is me saying shut the hell up! Now that you have been told of this... I will not need to explain my bubble with every post.
Facebook has been trying real hard to pop my bubble. While I appreciate the words of support, many of them come across as if Bill is gone...as in gone gone.... this wears on my bubble. The late night phone calls last evening from friends wishing Bill farewell.. they too began to wear on my bubble. I know you all meant well.. but if you did not call Bill while not deploy-able.. don't call now just so you can feel better about yourself. This is just an FYI so you do not do it to another person. Let them have their last evening with family without disruption. Their family needs them and you intrude on their time. FYI.... this pertains only to a few not to all!
I will say this. I am very proud of my husband. He has been a tried and true Marine and over the last couple years, he has been tried.... yet he remains loyal to the Corps and to the fight ahead. I asked him last night for one promise, knowing that truly it is not his to make, but I needed to hear. I asked him to promise me that he would return to us safe and in one piece, the same man we say goodbye to. He promised and as of yet, he has never broken a promise to me. Honey... you do get that I mean to hold you to this one!
Praying for Bills safe return and for the love and support of family and friends.
Bill just left today about an hour ago and we did real good. We held strong, no tears were shed and a see you later was said. The kids were amazing and after standing in the freezing cold temps they were just ready to leave and warm up. Sam actually asked " Why can't we just go get in the van and say bye now , mom. Does dad really need us here?" He is going to be my rock during this I know it. He has a knack of saying it like it is with no emotional baggage. Cami said she would miss Daddy and that she would see him on Skype... thank god for technology! Sal looked around us and noticed a lot of other families and such with tear filled eyes crying openly. He says " Can you tell who all the new people are that haven't been through this?" Smart Ass!
Tony was a kid just wanting to make snowballs and have fun. They all hugged their dad goodbye, gave kisses and waved as he rode off in the bus. My kids are troopers!
Now on to the person inside me... she was bawling like a baby. I, however, will not let this person out. I am afraid that if I do, I may just lose myself to the sadness of it all. I am afraid if I start to cry, that I will not stop. So, I choose to hold my head high and ignore that crazy lady in my head. Keep in mind she may show up when I type.
You will hear me comment a lot about my bubble. It is a bubble of protection from everything and anyone that wants to do me harm., physical or emotional. It is my bubble and I prefer it not to be popped. Yes, it is a bubble of denial at times, but it works for me. Healthy or not, it works so I ask you all..DO NOT POP MY BUBBLE! If you hear me say "in my bubble" this means.. back off.. you have hit a nerve of some sort and I really do not need to hear anymore of what you are saying. Basically, it is me saying shut the hell up! Now that you have been told of this... I will not need to explain my bubble with every post.
Facebook has been trying real hard to pop my bubble. While I appreciate the words of support, many of them come across as if Bill is gone...as in gone gone.... this wears on my bubble. The late night phone calls last evening from friends wishing Bill farewell.. they too began to wear on my bubble. I know you all meant well.. but if you did not call Bill while not deploy-able.. don't call now just so you can feel better about yourself. This is just an FYI so you do not do it to another person. Let them have their last evening with family without disruption. Their family needs them and you intrude on their time. FYI.... this pertains only to a few not to all!
I will say this. I am very proud of my husband. He has been a tried and true Marine and over the last couple years, he has been tried.... yet he remains loyal to the Corps and to the fight ahead. I asked him last night for one promise, knowing that truly it is not his to make, but I needed to hear. I asked him to promise me that he would return to us safe and in one piece, the same man we say goodbye to. He promised and as of yet, he has never broken a promise to me. Honey... you do get that I mean to hold you to this one!
Praying for Bills safe return and for the love and support of family and friends.
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