Another celebration without DAD..........Day 221+

Today is my second child's 12th Birthday.... Happy Birthday Sammy !!!!
I remember his birth well, we moms always do. We share our stories with all pregnant women, but today I share this story with all of you because I am proud not for having a child, but proud of  that child for who he is and how he has grown.

Twelve years ago I was at Reseach Hospital in KC MO welcoming my bouncing baby boy into the world. I was welcoming him alone. I had my parents at my side but my husband was miles away. He was deployed, yet again, missing the moment of our baby's birth. I went into labor in the night and emailed my husband on board the USS Kearsarge. I figured what more could bug him but to receive an email from me saying I was enroute to the hospital... yep he is not a patient man. I figured it would be several hours before he got any communication from my family letting him know about the birth of his son. This is pre cell phones!!! I was so mean....LOL
I welcomed a healthy baby boy into the world early in the am and had my then sister in law send the email to Bill several hours later announcing his son's arrival. As family and friends from afar called my hospital room to congratulate me on the birth of my son,  a nurse came running in the room yelling at me..."your husband is on the phone and can not get in because you are on the line, get off so we can transfer". You would have thought he was the President of the U.S. seeing how excited my nurse was. Because I live hidden in my bubble during deployments, I had not been following the news. There was an event happening and my husband was heading toward it. He was calling from a CNN phone while climbing aboard a helo enroute to Kosovo.  Yep, these civilian nurses were hearing a helicopter and excessive commotion in the background and at that moment they were believers in the fight. The fight my husband and other members of the Corps so willingly do as a job. Keep in mind that at this point I did not know where he was headed nor did he let me know, he likes my bubble (this is when he only said watch the news honey). I was beaming when I heard his voice and crying at the same time. I knew he was beaming and I could not hold back the joy I had in telling him all about our bouncing baby boy who came into the world loved so deeply and rejoiced by his family. Bill, asked what his name would be... we had not finalized that one yet. I told him Sammy Jo.... ok I admit it, I let Sal make the decision and he was only two and a half years old. Hey... no judging here, I was alone and needed to keep myself mentally strong, I figured who better to decide between Sebastian and Sammy Jo than him right? Lets be honest, what name do you think a two and a half year old is even capable of saying. Yes, I will admit I blamed the oldest in case the dad from afar did not agree. LOL

That leads me to today twelve years later.....

I get a phone call from afar. It is my husband in Afghanistan calling to wish our boy a Happy Birthday. I beam and hide my tears. My son smiles big and laughs and then says I love you DAD! The life of a military child, accepting a call from the man he knows as dad and loves without conditions.... knowing Dad is celebrating with him even if he is not "with" him. It is at that moment today that I hug my child knowing he has grown with grace, honor and courage and is no longer my little boy but a young man. A young man accepting what life brings and smiling his bright big Sammy smile.
I love you Sammy.... I am blessed to be your mom, you are truly God's gift.

Day 232+... cruise control is having some issues

Wow... it has been awhile since I blogged about this deployment. That is a good thing.. it mean my cruise control is working and that my bubble is intact, of course, that is until the last couple of days.
The middle phase of deployments I enjoy. It is truly when you have figured out how to handle the daily life without your spouse. It is where you come to rely on yourself and your friends for the emotional and mental support your spouse gave. Yes, he still gives it but by the time you actually get to talk...the crisis or situation has passed and you did it alone. I don't mind being in cruise mode. I will say that at times, life seems easier because your kids cannot play you and your spouse against each other. There is only one rule maker, only one parent to go to for permission, there is only one parent that decides a punishment. Those seem like an upside, but beware spouses... do not think single parenting is that easy. It means there is only one bad parenting decision, there is only one parent to drive kids to events, there is only one parent comforting emotions, there is only one parent that gets the blame and the anger from the kids, there is only one parent that during the deployments...that makes all decisions that can directly affect your kid for the rest of their life!!! I miss my husband and I miss his ability to help me think through parenting events at the time that they are happening. I miss bouncing ideas off him, I miss hearing his reasoning and calming nature. I know that without him I am not that nice, I am not that grounded and that I get spun up very quickly. I am in need of my husband and the great news is that he will be returning home for a short visit this summer sometime. He is taking his required two week R&R sometime during the kids break...or so we hope.  My heart is a flutter and I hope that during the two weeks he comes home... that my Bill cup gets filled and overflows so I can continue being the single parent for  the remainder of the year.

Now.. back to my broken cruise control..... no one should ever have to deal with selling a house alone. Even under the best circumstances... crazy crap happens and lets just say that this must be my test. The test my bubble and cruise control needed to see if it can remain intact. Oh... and lets not forget that over the last week, a marine with my husband was wounded. Thankfully he survived and will heal with the help of doctors and surgeons... but it places the "effects of war" a bit too close in proximity to my husband...(yes we think selfishly at times).
I complain and yet as I do... I am reminded of others dealing with so much more... once again.. I will feel what I feel and try not to compare... the comparisons will suck my bubble dry.

Bill- please remain behind your desk at all times... wear your helmet and flak... apparently the killing of Osama bin Laden only stirred the pot. I pray for you and your fellow comrades daily. Stay alert... I need you home!

To my dear friends struggling at this time due to family loss and medical diagnosis..... I love you both and pray for you to remain strong and vibrant. You keep me moving forward and provide inspiration to me. Do not let me suck your bubbles dry.... let me keep them full.... I am praying and blowing!!!!

Happy Mothers Day... day 249+

Happy Mothers Day to all the moms and moms to be out in blog land.
 Today is a great day thus far. My boys brought me coffee and breakfast in bed. My daughter brought me a sweet letter and gift she made at school. How can one not feel warm and fuzzy when my kids... the reason today is special...... have turned out so sweet. Way to go kids... yes you will be rewarded for your efforts ... your dad has taught you well. Keep mom happy and make her feel special and you will be rewarded kindly. Now.. what to do?
I log into FB to give a wide spread shout out to my mom after I call her and wish her HMD..(happy mom's day) and what do I see... a shout out via my hubby. He has updated his blog with an amazing letter to me. He is articulate, he is wonderful, he is amazing...he is all mine!
Here is a link to his blog
http://sablaninafghanistan.blogspot.com/


Today is a good day and I wish all you moms the same happiness and joy I am experiencing.


Bill-
Wear your helmet and flak... stay safe... do not turn today into a bad day by getting harmed in any way. You see regardless of where you are... I love you and I need you home!