June 12th- 28th....... R&R.

I know it has been a long time since I blogged... but hey I needed to be sane for awhile and keep my hubby safe.... yes I followed opsec rules here. I will be writing the catch up ones as if I had written them during the date posted

My hubby came home for his 2 week R&R ... which stands for rest and relaxation...... lets be honest here.... it is a conjugal visit! Your hubby or wife..... gets blessed with 2 weeks of freedom from the fight if they are deployed for 12 months or greater. I call it a conjugal visit because come on.... we are adults and it has been 6 months since I saw him... you seriously think that there is much else on his mind.  I also like to equate a deployment to prison. He is told what to do, he is in meager accommodations, he eats when the chow hall is open, he gets limited access to the computers to email, he has even more limited access to a phone, there are not tv's to watch, he works unbearable hours in sweltering heat. Do you think this sounds a bit like a prison labor camp??  So he was sent home for his conjugal visit two days after my 40th birthday. What a great belated present.
Now back to him being blessed with his freedom for 2 weeks. I say they are blessed because it is a double edge sword for the family at home. It is all the excitement of a home coming without actually being a homecoming. You must enjoy 2 weeks and only 2 weeks with them and then with open arms, filled hearts and yes sorrow.... let them go again. I knew that this would be an emotionally hard thing to overcome. There is no  time to prepare yourself for them to leave AGAIN.  You can prepare for them to come home and you get your hair done, you make sure you have the right outfit to pick them up in, you get butterflies awaiting their arrival and yet deep inside you know that they are leaving again just too soon. I allowed myself to be open to the hurt that letting Bill leave again would cause me. I will cherish the family time and the beach time we had during his 2 weeks. I would not trade it for anything in the world. I needed my "Bill cup" filled. I was becoming somewhat of a witch and he is the one person who calms me, who keeps me even, who fills my heart. So, I would not trade the 2 weeks for anything. It was worth the sorrow and the hurt of letting him go again.
Now to describe the 2 weeks... well it is great. There truly are no words to describe how amazingly wonderful those 2 weeks were. I think I have to leave it at that. The kids loved having Dad home and more importantly loved having "vacation dad" home. This is the dad that because he knows he only has 2 weeks to cherish with the kids... anything goes and there is no parenting from him. Yep, I got to be the parent... he got to be "fun" Dad. I truly could have used a bit of a parental break but nope... it was not to be had. Bill was in complete lack of parenting mode. I would think this is similar to a divorced family with a Dad being the fun one during his one weekend a month.
The kids being who they are completely took advantage of the situation and now being almost August, I almost have them back to the kids I had beaten them into...(yes just joking I did not beat them) but you get the idea right?
Bill and I did get some time to ourselves in the evenings and to be completely honest here.... it is not always the sex you miss the most. For me just being held by him, smelling him, feeling safe in his arms.... now that is what I miss the most. Being held by a man's strong arms and feeling loved... yep that is it for me.

I stated that I allowed myself to feel and knew his leaving would hurt more. It is because most of us wives, we start to build a wall on our emotions prior to a deployment, but when you only have 2 weeks there is no time to waste nor time to push them away. I just opened my heart and felt the love and yes.. filled my Bill cup. That being said, for nights before he left, I stared at him as he slept and wept. I wept tears of love and fear. Fear of letting him go back to the fight when he is laying there safe and unhurt. I believe he only caught me once. I just could not hide my emotions and for me.... that was HUGE! I will say that he did hold me and like I said before that is what I miss the most. Glad my tears got me what I needed. :)

The kids like before were troopers when it was time to say goodbye. No tears were shed by them and they moved on like the champions they are. You have got to love the resiliency of a military child.  I drove him to the airport, smiling and doing my best to NOT cry. We sat in the airport holding hands awaiting for his plane to board. I left the airport with a very heavy heart, I sat in my car and cried as I watched his plane leave.

Now my countdown can truly begin.... we have 6 more months until I can welcome him home.

Bill-  stay safe on your travels back in country and know that I await your return.